The Beginning

I felt like a mother long before my daughter was even conceived. Growing up, all I wanted in life was to be a mother and a wife. Perhaps I was born a few decades too late. I would always smile and tell my teachers that I wanted to be a nurse, or a teacher, or an author when inside I knew that my life would not be complete until I got to hold my own little bundle of joy and create a life devoted to them and their happiness.

By the time I was 25, I was still unmarried and without children. I could literally hear my biological clock ticking in the background of my life. Although I wasn't even 30, I felt like time was running out. I was with my boyfriend for 5 years and was desperately waiting for him to propose. I am very traditional in certain ways, and I really wanted to be married before I started a family. I took my birth control day, right on time, knowing that if I did get pregnant it could be dangerous due to a heart medication I was taking. So when those two pink lines showed up on an HPT in my apartment bathroom, shock was the overwhelming emotion I felt. My boyfriend and I had not much money in the bank and was just going back to school to finally finish my BA. I was scared and not as excited as I always thought I would be. I cried. I was afraid to tell my boyfriend because I thought he would blame me.

I will never forget the look on his face when I broke the news, several hours and 2 more HPTs later. His eyes were filled with joy and excitement, with just a touch of panic. No blame. No anger. Just the look of a man about to become a father for the first time. We hugged and kissed and laughed and cried. We worried and planned and began to dream about our little surprise nugget. By the time I went for my first ultrasound, I was completely smitten with my little one. When I first heard that swish swish swish of the heartbeat, I knew my heart would never beat the same again.